3 Things to Consider Before You Speak

There have been several times in my life where I winced the moment after I said something. I thought to myself, I should have just held my tongue in that conversation instead of asking too much, prying too much, injecting myself too much or giving advice when it wasn’t requested. I’m guessing you may have had a similar response, a time or two?

In a world where communication is essential, how we choose to express our thoughts can have a significant impact. While it's easy to say whatever comes to mind, it's crucial and biblically sound for us to pause and think before we speak. A few years back, a wise woman at church enlightened me with a few questions she asks herself in conversations. I found them to be profound, yet so simple and I reflect on them in my everyday conversations. Here they are… three key questions to consider that can help you navigate conversations thoughtfully and effectively:

1. Should It Be Said?

The first step is evaluating whether your thoughts need to be expressed at all. Not every opinion or observation is necessary to share. Ask yourself:

• Does what I want to say add value to the conversation?

• Will my words help or hurt the situation?

• Is this thought based on fact, or is it an assumption or a passing judgment?

Pausing to reflect on these questions ensures you're not just filling space with unnecessary commentary, but offering something meaningful.

Proverbs 10:19

"Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues."

This verse reminds us that not everything needs to be said. It encourages us to speak with wisdom and discretion, avoiding unnecessary or harmful words.

2. Should It Be Said Right Now?

Timing is everything. Even if your point is important, the moment might not be appropriate. Consider:

• Is the person you're speaking to in the right frame of mind to hear this?

• Would it be better to wait until emotions settle or when the situation is less tense?

• Is now the best moment to bring this up, or could it be addressed more productively later?

By gauging the timing, you can avoid escalating conflicts or speaking in moments when your words may not be received in the way you intend.

Ecclesiastes 3:7

"A time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak."

Timing is crucial, and this verse highlights that there is a season for everything, including when it’s appropriate to speak or remain silent.

3. Should It Be Said By Me?

Finally, ask yourself if you are the right person to deliver the message. Sometimes, it may be more effective if someone else addresses the issue. Think about:

• Do I have the authority or knowledge to speak on this topic?

• Am I projecting my own bias or insecurities into this situation?

• Would someone else be better equipped to handle this conversation?

Recognizing when to speak and when to step back can help build stronger, more respectful relationships.

James 1:19

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

This passage teaches the importance of being slow to speak and quick to listen, encouraging us to reflect on whether we are the right person to speak or if we should listen more carefully first.

A final thought, Paul wrote “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29). It is important to remember that every conversation is different because every person has varying emotional strengths, clarity and wisdom. Thoughtful communication isn't just about what we say but how, when, and whether we choose to say it. My hope and prayer is that by considering these three questions before speaking, you’ll not only enhance your relationships but also foster more productive and meaningful interactions.

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Do you find these questions helpful? What other considerations do you make in your conversations? In what ways can we be better communicators?

Come again, stay longer!

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